


hold on, i still need you

by LuciferCaelestis



Series: we're coupled, born from the universe [1]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Oblivious Keith (Voltron), POV Keith (Voltron), Pining Keith (Voltron), Post-Season/Series 02, Sheith Big Bang 2017, Soulmates, mostly angst i'll admit, part 1 of, shiro and keith's epic journey to find each other again
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-01
Updated: 2017-10-01
Packaged: 2019-01-07 15:17:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 19,370
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12235470
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LuciferCaelestis/pseuds/LuciferCaelestis
Summary: Everyone else is slowly moving on with their lives and he can only watch, still determined to find Shiro.“I hate to have to be the one to say this, but we need to think about finding someone to pilot the Black Lion,” Allura says.Keith glares. “We already have someone to pilot the Black Lion.Shiro.”---After Shiro's disappearance, Keith struggles between honouring Shiro's wishes to replace him and doing everything he can to find Shiro. Life goes on like that until he discovers that his bond with Shiro goes deeper than he thought...





	hold on, i still need you

**Author's Note:**

> Finally, I'm done with this fic. After scrapping it and revising it so many times, I'm pretty pleased with the result. Title comes from Hold On by Chord Overstreet.
> 
> First, many thanks to the mod of the Sheith Big Bang for creating such a wonderful event. Many, many thanks to my artist [hannars97](https://hannars97.tumblr.com) for being so patient with me, and for such amazing art! I'm so honoured. I'll link the art as soon as they put it up!
> 
> EDIT: now with the accompanying art [here](https://hannars97.tumblr.com/post/165955979736/my-sheithbigbang-entry-its-been-a-long-time). Give it some love please, it's soooo pretty!
> 
> Thanks to everyone who encouraged me when I talked about this fic to you guys, you guys are the best <3<3
> 
> Lastly, thank you most of all to shardsofmi. Thanks again for beta'ing this on such short notice and all the hours you spent listening to me rant about this fic. Without you, this fic would likely be incomplete or worse.
> 
> Hope you guys enjoy it!

Shiro is gone.

There is no trace of him in the Black Lion, and she’s entirely unresponsive. The Lions all had a certain life to them, part of the magic that had created them no doubt, but with her paladin missing, the Black Lion just seemed… dead.

The others are talking in front of him, but he can’t hear anything over the pounding of his heart. 

_ Shiro is gone. Ba-dump. Shiro is gone. Ba-dump. SHIRO IS GONE. _

Slowly they all exit the Black Lion with Keith bringing up the rear. He pauses at the door, unable to stop himself from looking back. Maybe if he just looked one more time, Shiro would be there, but the only thing he can see is the back of the pilot seat and the Black bayard, Shiro’s bayard still locked in its space.

He wants to break down, to mourn and grieve without the rest of the team watching. This was a scene from some of his worst nightmares. He’d already lost Shiro once before, after Kerberos, and he’d thanked his lucky stars that Shiro had come back, thinking it was all too good to be true. And now the universe had proved that it was. 

_ Why did you give him back to me if you were just going to take him anyway?! _

He wants to rage at the universe. For giving him hope, for making him think that they had a chance, that this time he could protect Shiro... it just made it all the crueller when his hope was ripped away again.

No.

He can still do something about this. He has more to work with now than he did the first time Shiro disappeared. How would he feel if he gave up on Shiro now only to learn that he could have helped, could have done something?

So he immediately raises the question of creating a wormhole back to look for Shiro, but there’s a sinking feeling in his gut that tells him it won’t be that easy. A look at Allura’s face confirms his suspicions. She won’t help him.

“I’m sorry Keith but we can’t go back.”

“Why not?!” he snarls. Making an effort to blunt his aggression, he takes a deep breath. “We need to do  _ something _ ! Shiro is gone, but we can still save him–” 

“We don’t know what could be waiting there. Zarkon’s ship is fully operational now, and even if Zarkon himself is incapacitated, we won’t have the strength to fight his soldiers off, not in this state.” 

She attempts to explain herself but distantly he notes that she looks more tired than he’s ever seen her. The fact that she couldn’t be bothered to hide her exhaustion behind her usual facade of strength now would have made him falter any other day, but right now, he didn’t give a damn. Every second they spent talking was another second wasted not looking for Shiro.

“The princess is right. Not to mention another wormhole jump would kill her. It’s a miracle that the quintessence drain didn’t. I’m sorry, we just can’t risk it,” Coran jumps in.

He turns to the others, imploring them to agree with him. There had to be  _ something _ they could do.  _ Anything _ . 

Hunk was blinking rapidly, gaze flitting back and forth between them during their heated ‘discussion’. He says nothing when Keith looks at him, looking down and curling in on himself. He looks afraid.

Lance was silent for once, his usual grin wiped clean off his face. He was fidgeting with his hands absently before he slumped forward a bit and looked away, grimacing. 

Pidge looked furious, and something in Keith felt relief for the only reaction he could relate to. Underneath it all though, they all looked exhausted and shaken by the events of the night.

By all accounts, they should have returned triumphant, having dealt a massive blow to the side of the Galra. But as it so happened, they’d traded this victory for a heavy loss on their own side.

“Fine. If no one will help me, I’ll do it myself.” He turns on his heel and takes off for Red’s hangar, ignoring the others calling out for him.

Red reaches out to him halfway, feeling his pain and anger. His eyes are burning and his hands are trembling when he settles into his seat. Red curls around him in his mind, offering what comfort she can. 

Even with her support, his breaths are shaky and he keeps his eyes screwed shut, one part of him wanting nothing more than to sink into her embrace and block out the rest of the world while another part wants to burn down the world and get rid of the restless anger that’s squirming under his skin. 

He ignores them both and focuses, because Shiro is still out there and there’s no way he’s giving up on Shiro, not when Shiro needed him.

_ Patience yields focus _ , Shiro’s voice echoes in his mind.

If he’s crying a little at the reminder of Shiro, no one is around to see it anyway.

On his direction, Red roars to life and they’re soaring through the sky within seconds. Even then, he still pushes for her to be faster. The Lions surpassed any human mode of transportation, but travelling across systems would still take precious time, even for the fastest of the Lions, time that Shiro didn’t have. 

The familiar landscape of space passed him by when all of a sudden, they were already at the place they'd brought Zarkon’s ship to. Keith blinks. How long had that taken?

Shaking his head, he starts to scour the wreckage for Shiro. In the time it had taken for them all to escape, it appeared that Zarkon’s forces had taken the opportunity to retreat as well. There was nothing of them left there.

There was no sign of Shiro there either, only the remnants of their battle floating around him.

Nonetheless, he stubbornly searched anyway.

It was hours later when he returned, empty-handed and heart growing numb like frostbite. The castle was quiet and seemed emptier for some reason, as he left the Red Lion’s hangar to go to his own room. Absently he realized it was because there was no chance of bumping into Shiro in the middle of the night, seeing him around doing something because of how rarely he could get a peaceful night’s sleep.

When he reaches his door, he’s seconds away from entering his room and collapsing into bed, armour and all, when he stops and decides to turn back. Not to the Red Lion’s hangar, but to the Black Lion’s instead.

It’s empty now.

Collapsing in the pilot’s seat, he tries to imagine what the last thing Shiro did was. What was he feeling at the time? Did he know what was happening?

Usually he loved the quiet and sought it out whenever he had the chance, but the silence that has enveloped the room only lends the feeling of being dead. He can’t hear anything but the sound of his own breathing, the usual hum of energy and life that surrounded the lions just  _ gone. _

_ Plip-plop. Plip-plop. Plip-plop. _

His tears hit the floor interrupting the empty silence like rain on lonely desert nights.

Trailing his gaze across the panels absently, his eyes fix on the Black Bayard still locked in position, newly retrieved from Zarkon’s grasp. 

His body aches, but it’s nothing compared to the torment that is wrecking his heart. 

Even lifting a hand to wipe away his tears seems like too much effort. His limbs are weighed down by lead, by  _ gravity _ , and now he has no reason not to let himself fall.

He is adrift now, a planet without its sun, directionless without its orbit.

_ Shiro would be disappointed in you _ , a quiet voice in his mind whispers. 

_ If Shiro wants to be disappointed in me, he’d better get off his ass to come back and tell me that himself, _ he snapped back. There was nothing Keith wouldn’t endure as long as he just came back, even if the sting of Shiro’s disappointment hurt more than any bruise or broken bone.

Because Shiro’s absence would hurt him the most.

But that wasn’t fair. It wasn’t Shiro’s fault he’d let his guard down, that he’d allowed Shiro to enter his life and believed that he intended to stay, but it  _ hurt.  _

It hurt so much to lose him the first time and it still wasn’t any easier now. In fact, it hurt even more, because while he couldn’t have predicted what happened on Kerberos, couldn’t have protected Shiro then (even if he would give anything to take Shiro’s place), this time, he’d had a chance. He could have  _ done _ something, he had the power and he was  _ there, but it still wasn’t enough. _

He couldn’t protect Shiro, that was why he’d lost him again.

Looking around the Black Lion now, he knows there’s no way he’s not going to be revisiting the entire day in his nightmares tonight. Of running to the Black Lion, desperately hoping that Shiro was okay, only to find an empty cockpit.

Shiro’s empty seat would haunt him forever, same as the tv screen flashing  _ PILOT ERROR _ on the day that would start his downward spiral at the Garrison into a spectacular crash and burn.

When his gaze lands on the bayard still locked in its place, he feels an irrational hatred for it. Like they ended up trading Shiro to get that thing. But then he realizes that it was probably the last thing Shiro touched before he disappeared. Now it’s probably the closest thing he has to Shiro himself.

So he takes it, and clutches it close to his chest, wishing he could feel Shiro instead.

He curls up in the pilot seat, apathetic to the physical discomfort of his armor digging into his skin. That’s the last thing he feels before falling asleep. Maybe when he wakes up, the entire day would turn out to have been just a dream.

*****

Waking up in his lion is no strange feeling for him, but in full armour, after a long and exhausting battle? He’s not surprised that his body protests every single movement when he tries to stretch, like it was punishing him for his bad decisions. Even the ordinary aches that follow a fight are more pronounced, and he’s sure he’s going to find some interesting bruises on his body where the armour dug in.

His eyes widen upon recognizing the interior of the Black Lion. 

When he looks down, he finds that he’s been clutching the Black Bayard the entire time, and likely has been doing so since before he fell asleep. Thoughts still hazy and half-formed, he looks around in confusion, wondering. Why he was sleeping in the Black Lion instead of his own lion, in full body armour no less?

He’s fallen asleep in weird places before, when the nights were too lonely and the nightmares were too bad to shake off, even in his own lion sometimes but he’s certainly never tried sleeping in another paladin’s lion, especially with his armour on.

His body reminds him pointedly why it’s not a good idea, he can barely move without wincing. Maybe he should invest in some padding for the pilot’s seat, especially if he was planning to make sleeping in the lions a habit. And maybe also forgo the armour, no matter how tired he was before he slept. His body would thank him for it, definitely.

In the middle of his jostling, the events of the previous day fly through his mind. His grip on the bayard loosens and it drops to the floor as he remembers why he was in the Black Lion to begin with.

Grief comes quickly, overwhelming him, followed by anger. There's a certain sense of fatality to it, like he should have known this would happen, that of course he would lose Shiro again. It was a matter of fact. Inevitable.

It sheds a new light on Shiro's past behaviour and how he insisted that Keith should be ready to lead the team in his place, like he was preparing Keith for his disappearance.

_ Did you know _ , he wonders.  _ Did you know what was coming? _

The helplessness he’s feeling is something straight out of his past, the first time Shiro disappeared. How anger and grief had chipped away at the core of him, and the deep sense of loss he’d felt for the only person who  _ understood _ .

Their relationship had been unconventional to say the least, the hotshot prodigy and the poster boy of the garrison, but they had both shared a dream, a pull towards the stars. That had been enough, at least to begin with. And Keith, he’d wondered why he felt something pulling him towards Shiro when the only thing that had gotten a reaction like that from him was the endless expanse of space.

Back at the garrison, he’d been too much, too focused on the stars to care much about what was happening on the ground. He’d just  _ wanted _ with a relentless fury that drove people away from him.

And he was good at it, flying, it made sense to him in a way few things ever did. So when he’d met Shiro, who flew like him, like he never wanted to touch the ground again, there was no way he wouldn’t be hooked.

At the time, Shiro had been the goal. He’d graduated years early, setting records left and right, all while being the most personable pilot in the place. But Keith had seen someone who wanted to be out there just as much as he did, so when Shiro approached him, he didn’t try nearly as hard to push him away.

He’d wondered, at times, why Shiro had bothered going to so much trouble to befriend him, and what he’d gotten out of their relationship that made him keep coming back. He hadn’t actually ever asked Shiro, but sometimes, when they were doing something completely ridiculous together, he’s glad Shiro took that chance. 

Shiro had changed his life, offering him an out when his anger got to him, when he just wanted to fly out of his own skin, when impatience made his fists clench and his nails drew blood. Everything was just so easy with Shiro, which made it conversely all the harder for Keith to accept, sure that something was going to go wrong.

With every single laugh Shiro drew out of him, every challenging look across the simulator, every new fact he learned about Shiro, his walls came down and he was even more lost.

There was so much that Shiro did for him, as an anchor, friend, and confidant, so he tried to return the favour as much as possible. He’d seen the pressure Shiro was under back then, to be the best, to be  _ perfect _ , and even as he thrived under it, sometimes it was just too much. So he’d made it his job to support Shiro and call him out when he was doing too much, making sure that he was really alright and not faking it. And for some reason, Shiro always let him. 

He snaps himself out of his funk before the tears really do come. He’d allowed himself time to cry yesterday, so now it was time to step up. Sitting around crying wouldn’t help anyone, least of all Shiro, and he refuses to disappoint Shiro any more than he already has.

Rubbing his eyes and running his hand through his hair, he takes one last look around the cockpit as he gets up from the pilot’s seat. He places his hand on the back of the chair and sighs deeply, leaving as quietly as he came. The Black Lion remains as unresponsive as it had been the entire night, the opening and closing of her jaws the only sign of life from her.

The silence of the hangar is daunting, but he forges through the reminder of the last time he ran through the hangar, desperate to get to Shiro.

When he finally makes it to the bridge, he finds the others already there waiting for him, decked out in their casual clothes. Pidge and Hunk are arguing about something, the latter gesticulating wildly while trying to prove his point. Lance is standing by Hunk’s side, trying to cover his yawn. He nods in acknowledgement to Allura, who was quietly discussing something with Coran.

“Finally,” Lance exclaims. “Where’ve you been? I was beginning to think we would have to send a search team out for you too.”

Without even looking up, Pidge elbows Lance in the stomach.

Exhaling sharply, he forces himself to calm down and ignore whatever crap that was coming out of Lance’s mouth. 

“Hey!” Lance complains, rubbing his stomach. “What gives?”

“Sorry, bud. You kinda deserved it this time.” Hunk shrugs.

“Betrayal, from my closest friend.” 

“First of all, Keith, did you have any luck with your search?” Allura cuts in.

“No. I couldn’t find any trace of Shiro. He didn’t show up in any of my scans either.”

“That isn’t good.” She and Coran trade worried looks.

“So what do we do about the Galra now? Sure, Zarkon won’t be much of a problem now but what about the rest of the empire?” Lance asks.

“I’m not sure. Theoretically the entire hierarchy of the Galra should be dismantled now. They won’t act without their leader and as you said, Zarkon has been incapacitated if he isn’t dead already.” There is a vicious satisfaction on Allura’s face at that before it returns to cool neutrality, but Keith can’t honestly blame her. After all Zarkon had done to her people, she had all the right to be satisfied about his condition.

“We did also wipe out Zarkon’s ship, that would definitely take them time to repair, even if it is operational now,” Pidge points out.

“But what about the rest of the planets the Galra have taken over? I mean, Zarkon’s had ten thousand years to train the thought of freedom out of them, and most of them are still under the empire’s control. We’ve freed some, but there’s just so many of them left.” Hunk says.

“It’ll be easier to free the rest now that he can’t just attack us at any moment, but where do we even begin?” Lance replied.

They all looked at each other. The task before them seemed insurmountable. Defeating Zarkon had been such an impossible goal but now that they had done it, they had no idea how to move forward.

“Before we do anything about that, what about Shiro? He’s still out there, every moment we spend talking could be the difference between life and death for him. We can’t just leave him!” Keith protests.

“We won't. Rest assured, we'll never leave a paladin behind, not if we can help it. For now, we will be staying in this area to finish all the repairs on the castle. Pidge, could you to look into the Black Lion, see if there is any way you can get her to respond? She is currently our best chance of finding Shiro.” 

Pidge left, mumbling to herself about possible calculations and trials she could implement on the Black Lion.

“Hunk, I will need you and Coran working together to fix the castle and bring our defences back up. The battle damaged it quite badly and I do not want us defenceless if anyone comes trying to attack. If there are any remaining issues with the lions, I’ll need you to deal with it.”

“Ah yes, the battle did a number on the castle’s defences! We’ll have a lot of work to do if we want to get it back up and running, Number Two! Chin up, there’s no way it’s going to be more dangerous than, say, getting scaultrite from the weblum.”

“I hate to break it to you Coran, but that’s really not as reassuring as you think it is,” Hunk groans, before waving them goodbye as they leave the room.

“Keith, Lance, you’ll be searching a different sector for Shiro. I can open up a wormhole for you for a few vargas, then you’ll have to come back. In the meantime, we will also need to be prepared for any attacks, but hopefully, the Galra will be too busy to go after us while we are still defenceless.”

“Right away, princess! You can count on me!”

Keith only nods, relieved that they’re finally going to  _ do _ something.

“Geez, Hunk gets to have fun bonding with Coran while I’m stuck with  _ Keith _ for who knows how long,” Lance mutters.

“Just do your job, and I’ll do mine. We can’t mess this up, not when Shiro’s life is on the line.” He won’t dignify Lance’s needling with a response, there’s too much at stake to risk alienating him for something so trivial.

For a second, Lance looks almost offended before he deflates. “You’re right, we can fight later when Shiro’s back. It wouldn’t be a fair fight anyway with you distracted like this.”

When he reaches Red’s hangar, he doesn’t hesitate before jumping down to the speeder. Entering Red now still feels like the first time all over again, the awe and pride that settles in his body, that  _ he _ was chosen by her. Maybe one day he’ll get used to the feeling but until then, entering his lion fills him with an abundance of energy.

Their bond clicks inside his head, sliding like a key into a lock that fits. It’s hard to explain what it’s like, to have a bond with a sentient mechanical lion, but their bond is always stronger the closer they are, even if he now knows that distance isn’t as much a limiting factor as he thought. Red always feels like a blazing fire, passion and determination incarnate, dangerous as all hell but providing nothing but warmth and safety to him. 

Red lets out a comforting purr and he smiles genuinely for the first time since Shiro disappeared. “Good kitty. Now let’s go find Shiro.”

“You ready? I’ve been waiting for ages since you got stuck in your own head. Care to share?” Lance sounds surprisingly patient. He’d have thought that Lance would be holding it over his head by now.

“It’s nothing. Let’s go.” Strangely enough, he feels slightly better afterwards.

Hours later, any good feelings he might have had are gone.

“How was it? Did you find him? Why does Keith look like that?” Allura sounds worried about him. If he weren’t in such a bad mood, he’d be touched.

“Nope, we found a whole lot of nothing. We spent what– five vargas?– looking for any trace of him…” Lance replies, saving Allura from being snapped at by Keith.

“And?”

“And nothing. It’s like he just vanished into thin air. Keith is just a little… frustrated.”

He’s impressed that Lance was able to word that so delicately. Frustrated is the least of what he’s feeling right now. 

Lance said nothing about how Keith had taken the most dangerous route, just because he felt the need to decompress somehow. No mention of the moments where he slipped and swore up a storm or screamed into his lion when the frustration of it all got to him. Lance had in fact given as good as he got when Keith had gotten annoyed enough to target him. It was probably the closest he’s ever felt to Lance, bonding moments notwithstanding.

There had not been a single trace of Shiro in the surrounding sector. They’d combed through the area with a fine-toothed comb but it was just as empty as it was before. 

He hadn’t been surprised when Allura had called them back for the day. As desperate as he was to find Shiro, every hour they spent outside only reinforced how shitty he felt after the previous day, what with the battle, the ache from sleeping in his armour and the bone-deep exhaustion that’s been a part of him since the Trials of Marmora. And so when Lance had conceded to return, he’d agreed. There was no way he was being less reasonable than  _ Lance _ of all people.

The doors slide open and Pidge enters the room, head still buried in her laptop. Somehow she’s able to navigate around to her station without once bumping into anything. He half-envies her for that, wondering if it’s a skill she’s mastered or just a natural talent.

Allura turns to Pidge. “Pidge, were you able to connect with the Black Lion? We have not had much luck finding Shiro through other ways, but she might be able tell us where he is. Or even give us some place to start.” 

“First of all, I resent that you think I couldn’t do it, even if it’s really more Hunk’s area of expertise than mine. Second, yeah, she’s up and running again, but she hasn’t responded to anything I’ve said so far, not even to tell me to get out so I don’t know how successful you’re gonna be.”

“That’s a relief. At least the Black Lion is functional again, even if she’s being unresponsive.”

“Yeah, about that, I ran into Hunk and Coran just now and we started working on the rest of the lions. We should be able to get them back to a hundred percent in the next few days. That attack Haggar did on the lions really messed them up.”

“Oh no. Will they be alright?”

“They feel drained now, almost empty. But they’re gonna bounce back. For being ten thousand years old, the lions are way more hardy than pretty much any other tech I’ve seen. You’d think they’d be a little outdated but nope, still miles ahead of the rest.”

“As I’ve said before, Voltron is quite unique in this regard. I don’t think you’ll ever find anything like it, they are one of a kind.”

“Princess!” Coran calls out in greeting as he steps into the room with Hunk right behind him.

“Coran! How are the castle’s defenses? Can we withstand another attack from the Galra if necessary?”

“Well, I have good news and bad news. Which would you like first?”

“The bad news,” everyone says simultaneously.

“The bad news is, the castle is down to less than a fraction of its defenses, we’ll need more crystals to power it, and the castle might malfunction at any given moment.”

“What about the good news?”

The castle’s music system is still working perfectly fine, though it is liable to start spontaneously, so even when everything is falling apart, at least we’ll have music!”

“No offense Coran, but your priorities suck,” Hunk groans.

“Well we will have to stop by the Balmera for another battleship class crystal. It’s as good a place to regroup as any after we’re done here.”

Hunk visibly brightens up at that, probably at the prospect of seeing Shay. Lance can clearly tell because he starts nudging Hunk with his elbow with a grin on his face.

“Bet you can’t bet to see her again, huh buddy? What did you say last time, a very nice rock?”

“In any case, we still have some leftover power, enough to fight off most attacks or at least wormhole away. We’ve made some progress on the damage but I don’t know how long it will take to get the castle to full power again. All the attacks have dealt quite a lot of damage with little time to recover. Ideally, if we could stop at the Balmera and focus on repairing all the damage and upgrading the systems, that would help a lot,” Coran explains.

“Right, while you guys do that, I’m just gonna head to the pool for some me time. We can work on Blue later, ok?”

Pidge looks like she was about to protest but she swallows it down. “Sure, Lance. Whatever you say,” she deadpans.

“Keith,” Hunk calls out to him. “You should go get some rest, you look horrible, even for you.” Hunk freezes. “Not that I’m saying that you always look horrible, it’s just that today you look extra horrible, and it doesn’t help when you– I’m just going to stop talking now,” he trails off awkwardly.

“Yeah, what did you do, Keith, sleep in your lion or something?” Lance jokes.

“Or something,” Keith says flatly. “If that’s all, I’m going to head back to my room to get some sleep. And if there’s any news on Shiro, anything at all, please let me know immediately.”

“Good call, Keith. Sleep is very important for young paladins. Why, I remember back when I was a soldier...” Coran starts another one of his stories of his younger days, while everyone else around him just groans.

“Sure, Keith. You’ll be the first to know.” Pidge’s voice is firm, and there’s an unspoken understanding between them. She had lost family too after all.

He leaves the bridge feeling slightly better now that they have a plan.

*****

Even though they try to keep up morale, weeks with no results takes its toll on all of them, none more so than Keith. He’s been out flying to search for Shiro’s location every day now, only to come back empty handed.

Sometimes the others accompany him, but most of the time, he’s on his own.

Tempers were also running high even amongst the most level-headed of them and the stress of everything that was going on is getting to them. They don’t want to give up on Shiro, but the longer they stayed in the same place, the higher the likelihood of being attacked by the remnants of Zarkon’s empire. Without someone to pilot the Black Lion there was no way they could form Voltron if it ever came to that. 

_ ‘What do we do now?’ _ is the question that hovers above everyone’s head.

No one wanted to be the one to break the tension that hung over them by broaching the subject first even as they played at humor and good spirits.

They were lucky they hadn’t been attacked yet. It would have been the best time to attack them, when they were mobile and as close to defenseless as they could get.

They all agreed that they couldn’t let Zarkon have the upper hand, and they’d begun freeing as many planets as they could almost immediately after they’d recovered sufficiently. It was a smart move, to cut off the Galra while they were still reeling from the defeat of their emperor. Luckily, no battle had required Voltron’s power, even if it came close sometimes,

They also stopped by various planets, picking up supplies and food ingredients (courtesy of Hunk), while they waited for the other shoe to drop. They even managed to fit in a stop at the space mall for Hunk to get some new ingredients while Pidge and Lance carried out some reconnaissance on the state of the empire.

Unsurprisingly, there were no announcements about the Emperor’s defeat. As far as they could tell, the Galra were keen to cover up any mention of weakness, lest some people get  _ ideas _ in their minds.

When they get back, they have a serious discussion about what their next move should be. So far, they’d been doing everything without a plan, but not anymore. They needed to take advantage of this opportunity while they still could. Allura wanted them to talk to the leaders of all the planets they had freed, to form an Intergalactic Coalition against the Galra and gain strength in numbers. Voltron couldn’t be the only one fighting anymore. They needed allies now, desperately.

At this point, Keith misses Shiro so much it hurts. He would have been great at this. Not only had he been an amazing leader, but he’d had a knack for diplomacy. He would have known how to do this, how to bring people together. Shiro was just the kind of person who inspired hope in people.

With Shiro’s absence, Allura was forced to shoulder most of the diplomatic burden. And Keith, for all his abrasive nature, was the one who had to step up and talk to the leaders too. In general, he tried not to talk too much, directing them towards Allura or even Lance and Hunk when he could to do more of the talking. His commands are half hearted at best.

Meanwhile, Pidge focused on finding her brother, and on upgrading the lions when she could.

Keith feels utterly alone. When he wasn’t out on missions or looking for Shiro, he was training with a ferocity that frightened the others. More than once, they’d had to pull him out when he bit off more than he could chew. Sometimes, at his most masochistic, he’d go to Shiro’s room, and sleep on the floor, missing Shiro so much that it ached. And when he couldn’t sleep, he’d go for a few more rounds at the training deck, hoping to exhaust himself enough that he wouldn’t dream. He doesn’t like his dreams these days.

He hasn’t gone near the Black Lion since the first night he slept there, but he knows that Pidge– and later Hunk– had extracted whatever data they could from it, trying to calculate exactly where Shiro could have gone.

They had all thrown around some insane theories, just trying to figure it out, which had almost been fun at first. Even Keith had laughed briefly at Lance’s suggestion of Shiro relaxing at a tropical island planet while they worked their asses off to bring down the empire. He likes the thought of Shiro being able to rest for once, even if the likelihood of it being true is close to zero. He likes the other suggestions a lot less.

_ “What if he sacrificed himself to take out Zarkon? It sounds like something Shiro would do.” _

_ “What if the Black Lion accidentally teleported him to the Galra? Or a random uninhabitable planet?” _

_ “What are the chances the he was transported too close to a black hole and just got sucked in?” _

_ “What if he just disappeared forever? Like he just ceased to exist?” _

He’d stormed off after that, too devastated to keep listening.

He’d ended up on what he liked to consider  _ his _ observation deck. To be more specific, his and Shiro’s observation deck.

Before Shiro disappeared, when Keith couldn’t sleep, he’d wander the halls of the castle aimlessly in the hopes of exhausting the restless energy crawling under his skin. 

Most of the time, his feet led him right to where Shiro was. Sometimes, he’d be in his own room, unable to sleep too, and they would just talk quietly until they both fell asleep curled up next to each other. But on worse nights, restless nights, they both usually ended up in the same place, an observation deck that offered a clear view of the stars. It reminds him of their spot on the Garrison roof, back before everything happened, where they would just talk and look at the stars.

Somehow, during those nights, they were closer than they’d ever been before. They would talk, share things they couldn’t any other time, and even when the conversation died out, the silence was comfortable. 

That was all he needed. Silence, Shiro, and the stars.

The other paladins might miss Earth, their lives and families back home, but as long as Shiro was there, he was home.

But now, he is alone, and the difference was all too clear. Now, his sanctuary just feels empty.

*****

Everyone else is slowly moving on with their lives and he can only watch, still determined to find Shiro.

“I hate to have to be the one to say this, but we need to think about finding someone to pilot the Black Lion,” Allura says.

Keith glares. “We already have someone to pilot the Black Lion.  _ Shiro _ .”

“Yes, but Shiro is not here anymore. I know you feel very strongly about this, but we can’t keep doing this any longer. We’re too vulnerable without Voltron.”

“So you’re just...giving up? Just like that? Shiro’s gone so now you want to replace him like nothing ever happened?”

“I know how you feel Keith but we have a responsibility to defend the universe–”

He cuts her off, eyes cold and arms crossed. “I didn’t know we were all so replaceable. So if I mess up and get myself killed, will you just wash your hands of me and be done with it just like that? Were we all just a means to an end for you?” 

He knows he’s being unfair, knows that he’s just lashing out at her because it’s convenient, but how could she just give up on Shiro like that? He’d thought she was better than this. He’d thought she was better than the Garrison.

“Didn’t you say before that we can't put the lives of individual people above the universe? Maybe you should take your own advice,” Pidge says. “If Shiro were here, he'd tell us to be smart, and take our duties as paladins seriously. You're not the only one who cared about him.”

_ Cared.  _ Past tense. 

_ Shiro’s not dead yet _ , he wants to scream.  _ Why are you all acting like he is? _

He resists the urge to snarl at her, she had no idea what Shiro would or would not want, but he wrestles it down. He knows he’s not the only one who cares about Shiro, but he was beginning to think that he was the only one who cared  _ enough. _

Anger was good. Anger was better than apathy. The first time Shiro disappeared, grief had taken over, in turns with denial. It hollowed him, turning him into the ghost that haunted the garrison walls, uncaring of his responsibilities. 

Now, anger would keep him moving, keep him hoping. So what if it poisons him, drives the others away with every cutting word from his mouth? They wouldn't understand anyway.

But his anger cools somewhat, when he sees the looks on everyone’s faces. They were all beginning to lose hope and the cracks were starting to show. Just yesterday, he and Lance had gotten into a fight and they both had to be restrained by Hunk and Pidge. It was only Allura’s intervention that had managed to resolve it, and even then it had been a close call. 

He doesn’t think anyone had realized before how essential Shiro was when it came to bringing them together.

Without Shiro as an anchor, he’s reverting back to his old way of doing things, working alone and never caring about the people around him. The despair is almost enough to make him cry, because without Shiro, what did he have really?

Not to mention the dreaded question of who exactly would pilot the Black Lion. He’s not sure if they know that he was able to pilot it for a short while back on that desert planet but he’s not exactly keen on volunteering himself for the job. There was no way anyone could replace Shiro, not in a million years, least of all him.

The guilt hits him, and he has to resist the urge to look away in shame. Shiro had believed in him, had specifically asked him to take over if something happened to him, and here he is, avoiding it like the plague.

Carefully moving on to a new topic, Hunk asks, “But what about our bond with the lions? You said yourself that the quintessence of the lion is mirrored in their paladin and that the lions choose their paladins. How can any of us be a fit for the Black Lion? Is it even possible be able to bond to two lions at once? Is that possible?”

“The lions are notoriously picky with their paladins, if you weren’t worthy, they simply would not respond to you. I’ve never heard of an instance of two lions sharing a bond with the same paladin, but it’s not impossible. The study of quintessence isn’t an exact science and the lions are still much of a mystery to us,” Coran informs.

_ Never heard of. _ That’s a good sign, right? That means Shiro isn’t nearly as replaceable as they’re acting like, that he still has  _ time _ to find him, before he might actually have to take over Shiro’s place (like he ever could).

He ignores the little voice in his head reminding him about the one time he piloted the Black Lion when Shiro couldn’t. There was no way it would work again for him. It had probably only worked because he’d been trying to protect Shiro and the Black Lion had responded to that desire. 

There was no point in telling the team if it wouldn’t work again, it would just give them hope and expectations, ones he had no way of meeting.

“So what do we do?” Lance asks. “Allura, you’re the one who knows the lions best, shouldn’t you be the one to decide who should be the new black paladin?”

“I’m afraid not. The lions choose their paladins and we don’t have a choice in the matter. But I cannot extend my reach to the rest of the universe to search for a potential black paladin, so she would be forced to look here first.” 

“Do we all just try to connect with the Black Lion and hope that she accepts one of us? No offense, but that doesn’t sound like much of a plan.”

“Well, it’s the only one we’ve got.”

Once they’ve gathered in the Black Lion’s hangar, Keith watches them all try, one by one, to connect to the black lion. She doesn't respond to any of them. Not to Allura’s pleading, or Hunk’s enthusiasm, or Pidge’s curiosity or even Lance’s surprising calm.

No matter how much they beg him to, he point blank refuses to try. Even if he can feel her calling for him.

*****

Then he makes the mistake of admitting the one time he’d piloted her in front of the team a week later.

Allura marches him straight to the Black Lion and refuses to take no for an answer. It’s only his guilt, which has grown as much as the strength of the Black Lion’s calling for him, that makes him budge at all.

But then, she doesn’t respond to him. After over a week of hearing her call out to him and feeling progressively guilty and resentful for not answering her, she doesn’t respond to him when he tries.

"I can't do it Allura!" He snarls in frustration, pulling his helmet off roughly. "I can't connect to the black lion, no matter what Shiro seemed to think!" He regrets ever admitting it to them in a moment of carelessness.

“Please Keith, you need to try! Your piloting of the Black Lion is the closest thing we’ve got to actually finding someone who can pilot her.” 

Her patience seems to have reached its limit and he can hear the barely restrained edge in her voice.

"Our allies are asking for Voltron! Even with the lions it is not enough, Voltron is what gives them hope and we cannot afford to lose more allies than we already have!"

_ Because of your mistakes _ hangs in the air, the sting of her unspoken accusations made all the more painful by the fact that they were true.

His accidental confession about the singular instance he'd piloted the black lion to save Shiro had given them hope that maybe he could do it again. He'd tried to keep it to himself for this very reason, but in his heart he’d wondered if the reason he was so against it was because he thought the lion would confirm his suspicions that he couldn't do it. And it had.

It was both a relief and a disappointment. Relief because at least Shiro was not so easily replaced and disappointment because he'd wanted to be worthy of Shiro’s expectations.

“I can’t do it. I can’t be him, I can’t replace him!” he says vehemently. “I’m not the leader Shiro thought I was,” he ends with a whisper. 

Silence.

He hadn’t meant to say that last part. But he had, and now that it was out, all his doubts and worries came rushing with it. 

At least only Allura had heard it. No matter how upset she was with him for his stubbornness, he knew that she wouldn't say anything about his slip. At this point, the entire team was aware of his grief and gave him allowances they wouldn't have otherwise, even if they don't really understand. He's not sure he deserves it.

“Keith. You have to move on. For the sake of Voltron, for the sake of the universe, you have to. Our mission is bigger than any one person, no matter how much they meant to us.” 

She paused then, and he remembered how on the verge of flying into their painful deaths, she found the courage to give up her last link to her father. He admired her for that, her strength of will and the ability to make hard choices. He doesn’t know if he could have made that call.

His long silence must have meant something to her, because her voice softened. “I’ll leave you for now, Keith, but please… Just think about it. The universe needs you. We all do.”

He’s alone in Black now. (He’s always alone now.)

Sighing tiredly, he put his head in his hands. 

“I don't know how to do this,” he admits to the cold and unresponsive space of the black lion. ”Shiro might have believed that I could, but we both know better don't we?” He laughs sadly, almost sounding choked. “I’m not Shiro, I can’t lead them like he can, I can’t pilot you like he can.” 

No response. 

“And I don't want to.” His whispered confession sounds loud in the ringing silence of the empty cockpit. “I just want him back.” He lifts his head, voice cracking as he asks, “Do you know where he is?”

There had been a time once when he’d been forced to beg for everything, from food to other basic necessities. Once he’d gotten out, he’d made a promise to himself to never beg for anything from anyone ever again.

Then again, Shiro had always been the exception to his rules. 

_ “Please…” _

He strokes the dimmed panel in front of him absently. Would Shiro be disappointed in him to see him give up so easily? The sting of Shiro's disappointment was never easy to bear, mostly because he'd been the only person who’d ever cared enough to  _ be _ disappointed when Keith wasted his potential.

Shiro had mentioned once that one of the things he'd admired about Keith the most was his tenacity and how he always gave his all in any situation.  _ Was  _ he trying hard enough?

The truth was that he didn’t want to do this. He didn’t want to replace Shiro and he was sick of everyone insisting that he step up and take over. It was like everyone else was moving on with their lives,  _ without _ Shiro, and he was the only one still struggling to hold on. Acknowledging that he could pilot the Black Lion, that she’d replaced Shiro with  _ him _ … it felt like giving up, and he wasn’t ready to give up on Shiro. 

He doesn’t think he’ll ever be ready to give up on Shiro.

But then he thinks of his team. They deserved better from him.  _ Shiro _ deserved better from him. 

Shiro had trusted Keith to lead Voltron if anything ever happened to him, and he'd been doing a half-hearted job. Being a leader didn't mean he had to give up on Shiro. Wanting Shiro back didn't mean he had to shirk his responsibilities, responsibilities that  _ Shiro had given him _ , to prove that he was serious about it. 

He could find a way to do both.

_ Patience yields focus _ , that’s what Shiro always said. He just… has to be patient.

So he waits.

His head snaps up when he hears a deep purr in his mind. It reverberates in his mind, both familiar and not at the same time. 

Black is finally reaching out to him. 

Why? Was it because he was thinking of Shiro? Or was it because she had needed time to see if he was worthy of piloting her? 

When his mind reaches out this time, she's there to reciprocate. She feels very different from Red, she was more of a heavy and omnipresent force that carried the weight of the sky and stars instead of a blazing force that warms him from the inside out. 

It doesn't feel wrong, just new. His bond with Red is still there, but it's less pressing now, like Red is pulling away grudgingly out of respect for the situation.

Even so, he can feel her curling around him, warm and possessive.  _ You will always be mine, but for now I will let you go. _

He’s so very grateful to Red for her support, but it was time to let go. At the moment, there was only one Lion he needed to talk to.

There were many questions he'd like to ask the Black Lion but for now, he settles for a single  _ why? _

A nudge at the back of his mind is his only warning before she sends him images of Shiro  _ before _ , leading the team, fighting against the Robeasts, his fight against Zarkon for the Black Lion on the astral plane, and finally the last moment before he disappeared. 

He flinches at the memory. 

Then she shows him a memory he’s been blocking out, when Shiro was on the verge of being mauled by killer creatures before Keith managed to save him. That was the first and only time he’d managed to pilot the Black Lion, and he’d thought it was only because of Shiro that she’d actually allowed him to fly with her.

_ My paladin must be firm. Decisive. They need to be able to bear the weight of forming Voltron, the strain of balancing their team and holding them together like the very cosmos we guard. You were unsure, unwilling and closed off to me. _

“I didn’t want to pilot you,” he confirms. “But I didn’t think you would accept me anyway.”

A feeling of curiosity and concern is sent down the nascent bond he has with her.

_ He believed in you, so will I. You care so deeply. Everything you feel made into everything you are. That is the way of the Red Paladin. You’ll make a good leader. _

“No I wouldn't. All I've done is mess up. I could jeopardise everything we're working for just because I can't do this and everyone else is pretending that I can for some reason.”

A growl echoed in his mind. She was...angry? No, the feeling was completely different. It's...protective? Black is feeling protective of him? Why?

_ You are worthy. My paladin would not have chosen you if he did not believe so, and neither would I. _

“What if he was wrong?” he asks. Shiro was capable of making mistakes. He doesn’t want to admit it but he’s so very scared that Shiro was mistaken to trust him so much _. _

_ He wasn’t. Even though he protected you zealously in his mind, even from me, I could feel his trust in you. He had faith in you like he had for no other person. _

“Why would Shiro want to protect me from you?”

_ You protect what you love, don’t you? You would do the same for him. And it wasn’t me he was protecting you from. _

**_You protect what you love._ ** _ You protect what you LOVE.  _ It makes his head start ringing. Shiro loves him???

And was she implying that he felt the same way?

_ You love him. You love him but he doesn’t know.  _

A surge of denial immediately follows her statement. “I don’t.”

She growls and it echoes in his mind.

He glares defiantly. “If I love him, he’ll leave me.”

_ No. _

“Everyone I love leaves me. That’s how it always goes.”

Sadness. She tries to comfort him, but it's an old story, one he's gotten used to. His mom was only the first. When his dad left, it hurt just as much but after that he’d learnt his lesson. There was no point letting people get close if they were only going to leave him in the end.

Shiro had been the exception. Shiro was always the exception.

No matter how much Keith had tried to drive him away, Shiro had stayed. Somehow, Shiro had made it so that he didn’t have to break Keith’s walls, that he would surrender them just for Shiro to stay. 

But then he left too.

He smiled bitterly. Kerberos was a wound that he's not sure will ever heal fully. He'd started to recover, to  _ heal, _ he'd finally started to believe that Shiro was  _ back _ , before Shiro was ripped away from him again.

He doesn't blame Shiro for it, of course he wouldn't. Shiro had as much choice as he had when it came to disappearing, and he was always the one most hurt by it in the end. It just… hurt, that's all. To always be the one left behind.

Love. That was what the Black Lion said he felt about Shiro when she'd delved into his mind. Was it really true though? Was love really what he felt? 

Shiro had brought him a sense of calm, of focus, since the beginning of their friendship. Shiro was  _ familiar _ and  _ safe,  _ and he'd proven that he could be trusted long ago. 

His attention was automatically drawn to Shiro and he'd always been more aware of Shiro than he'd ever been with anyone else. Shiro had grounded him, giving the first taste of stability that he'd had in a very long time. And Shiro had believed in him, more than he'd ever believed in himself.

He'd been without Shiro before and he'd never willingly return to that state of life. And Shiro might be gone now ( _ not dead, never dead _ ), but he would stop at nothing to bring him back. Even if he had to search the universe from one end to another.

_ Oh. _ So this was love.

A swell of acceptance comes from the Black Lion. Reassurance floods their bond. 

_ I love him. I love Shiro. _

But then he remembers that Shiro is gone and it just hurts that much more.

When she reaches out for him to try and comfort him, he recoils both physically and mentally. He can feel a spike of confusion and hurt over their bond. He breathes deeply to settle himself and reaches out tentatively to her instead. 

She waits patiently, allowing him to gather himself first and letting him make the first move, and that’s how he knows she and Shiro deserve each other, because once upon a time, Shiro had done the exact same thing.

He lets out a choked sob at that, hand automatically coming up to muffle it.

“I need him…” his voice is as pathetic as he’s ever heard it.

_ I’m sorry. It was not my intention to lose him, I only meant to keep him safe. _

Wiping away the tears that appear roughly, he says, “What do you mean? Do you know where he is?” A small spark of hope lights up in his chest.

_ In the battle against my old paladin, I wanted nothing more than to sever the bond between us. So I did. But in my desperation to do so, I severed the bond between Shiro and I as well without meaning to. I could not predict the resulting reaction, or how that would have affected Shiro. The energy backlash could have sent him anywhere and now I do not know where he is or how to find him. _

His hope falters at that. “So there’s no way you can find him?”

_ No. He is out of my reach. _

He slumps in his seat. The Black Lion was their best hope at retrieving Shiro, wherever he was, but even she couldn’t find him. What hope did they have left?

_ But, _ she continues,  _ he is not out of yours. _

Keith looks up, caution warring with hope. “What do you mean?” he asks warily.

_ There is a bond between you and my paladin, one stronger than most I have ever seen. You can feel him, can you not? With your help, I might be able to find him. I am willing to work with you on this as well as allow you to fly with me for the meantime. _

“Alright,” he agrees immediately. Anything for Shiro.

*****

With all the lions having pilots now, things start getting back to normal around the castle.

Still, there’s a tension that lingers now that wasn’t there before.

Black’s acceptance of Keith meant the Red Lion needed a new pilot, and to Keith’s surprise, she had chosen Lance for the job, leaving Allura to fly the Blue Lion. The switch hadn’t been easy, they’d had problems adjusting to each Lion’s capabilities and teaching Allura how to fly her new lion, but they’d made it work somehow.

As the one flying the Black Lion, Keith steps up and asserts himself as leader officially. He tries to act like he thinks Shiro would, giving encouragements to his team and reassuring them when they came to him. But sometimes he feels like his encouragements fall flat, or the message he’s trying to give isn’t received the way he means it.

He doesn’t know how Shiro did it. He knows that leadership is more than giving orders and grand speeches made to inspire people, but Shiro made it look so easy sometimes. Even he was sometimes fooled, and he was more aware than most about Shiro’s struggles behind the scenes. Shiro just had this way of drawing people together, giving them hope and a cause to believe in. He was a steady point where the world revolved around him.

Shiro was the kind of leader rebellions needed. Keith was just the person you went to to get things done.

But he tries. He tries to live up to Shiro’s expectations, and he gets better at it. He learns his limits, what feels natural to do, and what he felt his team needed from him. Even if he couldn’t encourage them like Shiro had, he could offer an ear to listen to their problems or even just his company so they weren’t alone. Where Shiro might have hidden the truth or even lied about it, he would offer blunt honesty when they needed it or silence when they didn’t.

He also learns to extend his perceptions to include other people, to include them in his plans and explain them when he was asked to. And the most major change is that he curbs his recklessness now, because risking his own life was all well and good, but risking his team was another thing entirely.

But sometimes, he feels that– even among his team– he is alone.

In between time spent training with his team, liberating new planets and making new allies, he doesn’t have much time to himself. Whenever he has a chance, he’ll fly Black to a different system to look for Shiro and come back feeling dejected at another dead end. Rinse and repeat. 

And not everything was going as well as he’d hoped. Though their teamwork in battle was getting better after they’d all gotten used to the change in dynamics, Keith still had to deal with occasional snide remarks from Lance, criticizing everything from his leadership skills to his planning. 

Still, as long as they got the job done, he’d consider it as something that couldn’t be helped.

His patience with tolerating those remarks still isn’t the best though, which is why when he hears Lance muttering things to Pidge in the middle of a diplomatic meeting, he gets annoyed very quickly.

His ears catch: “...you know what I don’t get, why we’re doing this in the first place. We all know it’s useless, they’re never going to ally with us.”

“What did you just say?” he says sharply. If Lance was making light of their allies right in front of them, it would be a very long day indeed.

“Ok, fine. I don’t get why we’re here when we all know they’re not going to ally with us.” Lance enunciates slowly, only loud enough for Keith to hear. “And you know what else I don't get? Why the Black Lion chose  _ you _ of all people to pilot her.” But the rest of it is said in a conversational tone, loud enough for the entire room to hear.

Keith stiffens in his seat. Why is Lance bringing this up here of all places, in front of all their potential allies? 

“Well, she did. End of discussion,” he says firmly. This wasn’t the time to argue and present a divided front to people they needed for their coalition.

Lance shoots him a mutinous look but keeps his mouth shut anyway.

Keith storms into the lounge hours later, completely exhausted but determined to find out what exactly Lance’s problem with him was.

“What the hell was that?! You just questioned me in front of a bunch of people we wanted as our allies! What kind of message do you think we’re sending? We’re supposed to be a team!”

“We’re supposed to be a team,” Lance says mockingly. “It’s funny that you’re the one saying that, like you’re not the one still keeping secrets from us. You’ve never really been open with us, and you expect us to trust you to lead us?”

“What secrets do you think I’ve hidden from you?” Keith asks, exasperated with his attitude.

“I don’t know, the fact that you’re Galra for one,” ignoring Keith’s rebuttal that he hadn’t known either, he continues, “what you said to the Black Lion to let you pilot her... and why exactly you’re so desperate to find Shiro.”

Keith freezes. It would be one thing to just ignore whatever Lance was saying as the same kind of thing he was always saying about Keith, but the others looked like they agreed with him. When they turn their curious looks on him, he has nothing to say.

He had always had trouble connecting to people. It came from a childhood of being moved around and rejected at every turn, until any desire he’d had for companionship had been replaced by a desire to not get hurt anymore. 

Shiro had been the exception, in that he’d been persistent in befriending Keith but also patient enough to wait for Keith’s walls to come down.

His time with the team was the first time he ever felt like he had friends of his own. He’d never considered that his tendency to keep things to himself would come back to bite him someday.

“I don’t know why Black let me pilot her, ok? She just said something about respecting Shiro’s wishes so I just accepted it. I don’t want to be leader, that’s just what Shiro wanted,” Keith admits tiredly.

“Ok fine, you don’t want to be leader. That doesn’t explain why you’re still looking so desperately for Shiro. You’ve been gone every single free moment you can get, looking for him. I mean, I get that you guys have history or something like that, but you’re not the only one who cares about Shiro.”

The way Lance says it so casually upsets him. They really have no idea how much Shiro meant to him, he realizes. Suddenly he feels angry. Who were they to ask him something so private, especially when they didn’t understand? They might be his friends but that didn’t give them the right to interrogate him like this.

“Because I love him, alright?!”

It slips from his mouth in a moment of thoughtlessness.

Silence falls across the room. He can see the realisation dawn on them, like the last puzzle piece was finally falling into place. His throat tightens.  _ They know. _

But even worse than him carelessly revealing something so sacred to him, even worse than them knowing his biggest weakness, it was the looks of pity they were giving him.

So he runs. Runs to the safest place he can think of.

Even after his new partnership with the Black Lion, he misses Red more than he thought he would. 

He couldn’t disguise the relief he feels when she lets him in. At least he hasn’t lost her yet.

Red grumbles a bit in his mind but settles in around him anyway, welcoming him like he’s still her paladin. Warmth seeps into his body from her embrace. Here he could be safe for a while.

He’s startled from his doze when Red nudges him mentally.

He rouses when she nudges him again. He gets the feeling that if she could roll her eyes at him, she would. He starts when she projects an image of Lance in his head, and she informs him that he’s outside, asking if he can come in. He’s about to refuse when Red chides him and says he looks apologetic. Deciding to trust Red, Keith allows her to let him in.

“Hey,” Lance mutters.

“Hey,” he replies coolly.

Lance breathes out slowly. “Look, I’m sorry I put you on the spot like that, ok? It was really shitty of me. And I’m sorry I made things so much harder for you. I should have known that you didn’t want this.”

“What’s your problem with me? Why did you even do it in the first place?”

“You really don’t get it, do you? I was jealous of you. Am still jealous of you, actually,” he corrects.

“What? Why?”

“I mean, you’re  _ you. _ The best pilot of his generation, Keith Kogane, who only washed out because of discipline problems. And you washing out was basically the only reason I got in, like every single person at the garrison wouldn’t stop reminding me. And you’re the best fighter we have besides Shiro, and people like Shiro and Allura, they respect you. You’re  _ special _ . And I’m just me. I guess I just wanted what you have.”

He’d never considered himself to be lucky before. “I had no idea you felt that way.”

“Yeah well now you know the deepest secrets of the Amazing Lance. That’s fair right?” he says humorlessly.

“You know you’re special in your own way, right? The Blue Lion wouldn’t have chosen you if you weren’t. You were the first one to be chosen. And you have a way with people that I’ll never understand. It’s hard not to be jealous of that,” Keith says awkwardly.

Lance is silent for a while, until he smiles genuinely.

“You know, you’re not so bad, for a mullet-head anyway,” he says, and for once Keith can recognize that it’s teasing.

“You know you’re growing one too, right?” Keith deadpans.

Horrified, Lance starts patting the back of his neck. “What?! No way! I gotta cut my hair ASAP or I’m gonna end up looking like you! I may think you’re ok now, but your fashion sense is still terrible!” 

He runs out, looking panicked, but not before saying, “By the way, I kinda left everyone else waiting outside because they wanted to talk to you too, so you might want to let them in soon!”

Keith rubs the bridge of his nose, frowning at the thought of yet more awkward conversations. He still doesn’t like to think of them pitying him for his feelings, but Lance’s speaking around it has him tentatively hopeful for the others.

He looks up when Hunk, Pidge and Allura walk in with guilty looks on their faces. He doesn't know why they look so guilty, it’s not like argued with him like Lance did but he's willing to hear them out anyway.

Hunk interrupts him before he can speak, raising his arms to stop him. “First off, I'm sorry Keith. I should have noticed that Lance was stewing in something. But I ignored it and didn't stop him when he started to interrogate you. You don't owe us anything.”

Keith's eyes widen with every sentence. He hadn't expected Hunk to take the blame for the entire incident, but his face softens. He doesn’t like seeing Hunk so upset.

Before he can say anything, Pidge speaks up. “Yeah, what he said. Even if we had questions about you, we shouldn't have done it like that.”

“It was quite unfair of us to sit in silence while Lance accused you of such things. Especially when he treated your feelings so callously. For that I apologise,” she says firmly, but he can see real compassion in her eyes.

He kind of wants to laugh at their solemn expressions, mostly because he'd expected something completely different.

“You're forgiven.” At the looks of relief on their faces, he clarifies, “Not that I think there's anything to forgive but…” He shrugs. “It's not all on you guys either, some of it was my fault too for not telling you guys stuff. In my defence, I didn't think you guys would care. I'm still new to this team thing.”

Pidge nods. “I think we all need to work on being a better team to be honest. If we were a better team, this wouldn't have happened.”

“Aww, you guys are making me so proud. It’s team hug time.” Hunk sniffles, pretending to wipe away a tear.

When Pidge turns to Keith in panic, he just signals to her to go along with it. It would be easier that way.

Hunk opens his arms, ready to pick them all up and squeeze them in his Hug of Doom when he freezes.

“Wait a sec, before we go for a team hug, I just gotta go get something real quickly.” Hunk turns and runs out leaving them staring in bewilderment. 

After a few minutes, they can hear a whispered argument of creative threats interspersed with refusals before Hunk comes back in, this time with Lance in tow. Keith has to hold back a laugh because Hunk is holding Lance by the collar of his paladin armour, like you would hold a recalcitrant cat.

Even Lance must be able to see the humour of his situation because he laughs with them when they all laugh.

“Ok, now we can group hug,” Hunk announces happily, dragging the closest people to him in a big hug. 

Keith enters the hug willingly. There's not nearly enough room for everyone with how cramped the cockpit has gotten, but they all fit together like a mismatched puzzle.

_ This was his team, _ Keith thinks, and for once there was no heavy weight to the thought.

A smaller voice at the back of his head pipes in:  _ This was his family _ , and he thinks,  _ not yet, but maybe someday. _

*****

Keith has a new understanding for Shiro’s frustrations when dealing with Slav now. 

The alien had only been working with them for a few days and already he’d like to eject someone out the airlock, preferably himself or Slav. 

He could sympathise with Slav’s circumstances and quirks, he’d probably been a prisoner of the Galra long enough for it to affect him. But as someone who preferred direct and quick solutions, he was getting more than a little frustrated with Slav’s rambling and deviations from his work. Even more so when he dragged everyone else down the rabbit hole with him.

After a productive meeting with the Blade of Marmora on coordinating their attacks, Keith is ready to fall asleep on his feet, or even in the lounge room if he had to. Sadly, it seemed like the universe was against him getting any rest, what with the constant battles and the unwelcome reappearance of his insomnia. His teammates sure weren’t helping with that either, with their loud disagreements and lack of volume control.

Pidge, Hunk, and Slav’s heated discussion on the flaws of Altean technology only gets louder over time, interrupting his lull before he can sink into sleep on the spot.

They were lucky that Coran left a while ago to take care of a problem with the engines, he’d probably have a lot more to say on the subject. He was quite protective of the Castle and likely wouldn’t take any bad mouthing with grace.

He tunes in and out of their discussion.

“...I’m just saying that the particle barrier…”

“By my calculations, this should happen around…”

“...it could be improved, the technologies are outdated…”

“...even Galra weaponry is constantly evolving…”

He starts paying attention when they begin talking about the Galra.

“In a different reality, you would be less likely to–” Slav begins another one of his rants on alternate realities.

Finally, he snaps. “Slav, can you please drop the alternate reality talk?! They don’t exist!”

Slav just blinks.

Lance breaks his silence. “Geez Keith. Way to explode at him for nothing.” He paused, “Then again, even Shiro’s blown up at him before.” He shakes his head, wondering, “Everything he’s suffered and all it takes is Slav to get him to snap.”

“You mustn’t worry, there is only an 87 percent chance of him suffering in his current reality.”

Keith does not deal with confusion well. Slav brought about confusion in abundance. Translation: Keith does not deal with Slav well. “Current reality?” 

Slav nods, waving all eight of his hands around. “Of course, there’s only a 56 percent chance of him being in another reality, but the odds of it being a good one are very good,” Slav says reassuringly.

Keith tries to say something before he’s cut off by Slav. “But then, if he isn’t a different reality, the chances of him suffering are at 91 percent, which is very not good!”

“But how do you know he’s at a different reality?” Keith asks desperately.

“I don’t know. But _you_ should. Don’t you have a bond with him?” Slav retorts.

Eyes wide, Keith blurts out, “How do you know that?”

“Keith? What is he talking about?” Hunk asks.

Keith takes a shuddering breath, unable to meet the eyes of his team so he focuses his gaze at the wall. “He’s talking about this bond I apparently have with Shiro. Black told me about it but she didn’t say much, only that it could help her find Shiro since she can’t do it alone.”

Lance blinks. “Let me get this straight, you have a bond with Shiro. A capital b– Bond. With Shiro. And you didn’t tell us? Should we be offended guys? I feel like we should be offended. And how are you keeping this out of the Voltron loop? You have way too many secrets man.”

Keith shrugs. “I didn’t think you guys needed to know. When me and Black search, we’re trying to use that bond to find Shiro even if we haven’t had much luck yet.” With rising hope in his voice, he says, “But if what Slav says is right, then maybe we were looking in the wrong places.”

Grabbing Keith by his arms, Hunk leans into Keith’s personal space. “Wait a second Keith, you can’t just drop that on us and leave it like that. What kind of bond is it? Is it like the bond between us and the lions? Please tell me it’s like the bond between us and the lions–” 

Pidge cuts in abruptly. “Sorry to interrupt, Hunk, but Keith, do you know how it’s even possible? I’ve never heard of anything like this before. And why you and Shiro, of all people?”

Keith finds himself relieved when he hears the doors sliding open to reveal Allura. Maybe she could take control of this situation.

“What is happening in here?” she asks, raising an eyebrow at the scene in front of her. 

“Keith has a bond with Shiro and we can use it to find him!” Hunk announces.

“A bond with Shiro? What do you mean?” Allura asks in bewilderment.

Sighing deeply, Keith extricates himself from Hunk’s grip and settles in to explain. “Back when I was bonding with the Black Lion for the first time, she told me about this bond that Shiro and I have. Because she’d severed her own bond with Shiro accidentally, she couldn’t find him the way she normally would, so she suggested using my bond with him to find him instead.”

“But we still haven’t found him, so I assume it did not work as planned?” Allura questions.

“Yeah. I’d never even realized that I had a bond with Shiro until Black told me about it, but when I tried to feel for it, it was– stretched, in a way. I don’t really know how to explain it.”

“But what is it? Is it a bond like the one that forms between a paladin and their lion?” Allura is more than curious now, he can tell.

“I don’t know. It feels different from my connection to Red, or even my connection to Black. I can feel it like a string that leads me to Shiro, but it’s muffled now, for some reason. But I can feel that he’s still alive... Like if he died, I would  _ know. _ ”

Hunk gestures wildly. “But– How would you just know? It doesn’t make sense! I still don’t understand how it’s even possible. I mean the lions are one thing, they’re basically magic no matter what Coran says, but what you’re saying doesn’t even sound real.” 

“It’s real. I didn’t believe Black at first, but when I thought about it, it just… made sense. I really should have realized it earlier…” he trails off. “It’s probably the reason why I felt like he was still alive after Kerberos.”

“Wait, was that the reason why you went off the rails back at the Garrison? You could feel that Shiro was still alive?” Lance exclaims, sounding horrified.

“In a way. It was hard back then. Everything in me screamed that he was still alive, but logically I thought he was dead and that I was deluding myself, if I thought otherwise."

He shrugs helplessly.

“But they were so sure that it was Shiro’s fault, and that’s when I knew they were covering it up. Shiro was the best pilot I knew, there was no way he could have caused a pilot error. If the Kerberos mission failed, it wasn’t because of him. But then they installed that Kerberos rescue simulator and that was the last straw.”

Lance looks like several new conclusions are dawning on him in light of the new revelations. When Keith meets his eyes, he sees several apologies for the way Lance had made fun of his dropout status, knowing now why it happened.

Allura looks thoughtful after some time. “Keith. Your description of it– It reminds me of a myth my father told me about once, about two people born from the same star. They had a connection just like you described, one that they could use to find each other. And in those myths, they were destined to meet each other, like the very stars would guide them to each other because their fates were intertwined. It was said that they shared a bond like no other, and they would stay connected for rest of time. I remember father telling me that when death came for one, the other would soon follow.” 

“Woah, it sounds like you’re describing soulmates. Are you saying that Keith and Shiro are literally soulmates?” Lance says.

“It appears so,” Allura replies.

“What else does it include, in that myth you were talking about?” Pidge asks.

“My father did say something about them having a certain awareness of each other, on a base level.”

Hunk sits up straight at this. “Wait, is that how Keith always knows when Shiro’s in danger? And then comes crashing to his rescue, like a knight in shining armour or something?” 

“I don’t rescue Shiro that often,” Keith says flatly.

“Yeah, you do. Our first meeting after the Garrison was literally me walking in on you rescuing him after you beat up three med-techs. And I saw you pretty much zoom across the room that one time with the gladiator when it was about to hit Shiro while he was still stuck in his head,” Lance counters.

Hunk raises his arms triumphantly. “Dude, you fought _ Zarkon  _ for Shiro. You can say it was about keeping the Black Lion out of Zarkon’s hands all you want, but you know you did it because of Shiro. You can’t fool me anymore, I know about your secret romantic side now.”

“Aww, Shiro, I just wanna rescue you ‘cuz you’re my princess,” Lance continues, tagging along to Hunk’s statement and making annoying kissy noises at Keith.

When even Pidge contributes to this torture with an ‘I just wanna marry you and be with you forever and ever and ever…..’, he gives up on ever getting back his mysterious reputation.

“Guys, enough!” he shouts, but he can’t keep the smile off his face. He turns back to Slav, who’s been muttering to himself and running all over the room while they were talking. “Slav, is Shiro really in an alternate reality? And can we use my bond with him to find him?”

Before Slav can open his mouth to go on a complete rant again, Keith hurriedly tacks on, “What are the chances?”

“There’s a 56 percent chance of him being in a different reality, like I said. But there’s also a 73 percent chance of finding him through your bond, 94 percent if we amplify it somehow because you’ll need to bring him back with you by force. It will be very difficult of course, trying to make it work, especially if you don’t want it to kill you afterwards, but it is possible.”

“Could you do it? Make an amplifier for the bond, preferably without killing me?”

Slav nods. “Yes.”

Keith waits. When it becomes apparent that Slav isn’t going to do anything, Keith grounds out, “Now?”

“Oh, you were talking to the me in this reality, okay.”

Keith sinks into his chair with relief. They had a plan to find Shiro now.

*****

With their bond stronger now, Black agrees to take him to the astral plane. The others are busy with making Slav’s devices, leaving Keith without something to do for once. 

They were taking  _ forever _ . Apparently, Slav wasn’t kidding when he said that it was beyond difficult to make an amplifier for a mythical, and hardly known, about bond that was completely safe for use and powerful enough to do the job.

All the free time left him on edge. He could only throw himself at the gladiators so many times before he broke something important.

Keith had only seen the astral plane briefly, when the Black Lion showed him a few seconds of Shiro’s fight with Zarkon over the Black Lion. That does not prepare him for actually seeing it with his own eyes.

How to describe the astral plane? There’s a purple glow cast over everything, and numerous stars lighting up its sky, maybe replicas of stars and constellations long dead now, but definitely no patterns he can recognize. 

Glancing down at himself, he sees that even his own body has taken on a distinctly purple glow. That’s not the only difference, he feels weightless now, like he accidentally left his physical body behind somehow. And he also feels lighter, without the weight of everything on him, and his bond with Shiro is so much clearer like there’s nothing blocking it anymore.

The Black Lion is hovering at the back of his mind, ready to come to his rescue or bring him back to the mortal plane if she felt like he was in trouble.

He starts walking. 

He doesn’t bother choosing a destination. It all looks the same to him and he’ll just get lost anyway. If he follows his gut, his feet will lead him to Shiro like they always do. 

It’s oddly soothing just walking though, admiring the scenery reflected off the ground. His only complaint is that it seems overly empty of anything substantial.

He likes how peaceful it is. If he’s not too against it by the time this is all over, he thinks he’d like to come back here with Shiro to explore it someday.

Time seems to pass differently in the astral plane. Has he been walking for minutes or hours? Who could tell in this place?

From the corner of his eye, he can see something large in the blank emptiness of the astral plane. He turns and races to that direction, it’s the first time he’s seen anything that wasn’t a star or an intimidatingly large sun.

As he gets closer, the large thing gets more defined until he realizes that he’s looking at the Black Lion. Stopping in his tracks, he reaches for Black at the back of his mind and she sits up at the new development.

“That’s not you, right, Black?”

_ No. No, it is not. _

“How is this happening? Is that a Black Lion from one of the alternate realities Slav is talking about?”

_ Most probably. You should go and find out. _

She nudges him to start moving again, paying closer attention in case she was needed.

But when he reaches the other Black Lion, he doesn’t expect to see–

“Shiro!”

–Shiro curled between her paws, resting against her as he talks to her.

Shiro stops talking when he hears Keith’s voice, and he turns, spotting Keith running towards him. His eyes go wide and he scrambles to stand as Keith gets closer and closer. It proves pointless when Keith tackles him to the ground with a hug, but neither of them care.

“Woah, Keith,” Shiro laughs. “I guess you’re not mad at me then.”

“Why would I be mad at you? I’m so glad you’re ok, I was so worried,” Keith says, holding Shiro even tighter. “I missed you so much,” he adds quietly.

“I missed you too,” Shiro says, before he clenches his metal arm into a fist. “I guess I thought you’d be more upset because I didn’t tell you that I was still alive, just sort of merged with the Black Lion.”

He moves back to look up at Shiro in shock.

“Wait what? What do you mean you were merged with the Black Lion? She told me that she accidentally broke her bond with you, not that you merged with her or anything like that!”

Keith mentally recoils from Black. Why did she lie to him? Was everything a lie?

Then he’s struck by a realization, and he pales.

“Does that mean you could hear me when I talked to her? The entire time?” his voice rasps in in his throat. His universe hinges on Shiro’s answer.

Shiro looks away. 

“Yes,” he finally answers. “But I tried not to listen, I swear! I buried myself deep inside the Black Lion’s quintessence whenever it looked like you were saying something private. I didn’t want to intrude or betray your trust.”

Keith flinches, because Shiro didn’t deny that he’d heard everything, just that he’d tried not to listen. “So you know. You know that I’m in love with you.”

“What? No! I didn’t hear anything about that! Stuff about you missing me, and how you felt about me dying, yes, but nothing about you loving me.” Shiro pauses. “You love me?” he asks in the tiniest voice Keith has ever heard.

Keith looks down. “Yeah. Of course I do.” The silence is rife with tension. “Wait, what do you mean, you died? You’re just stuck here after Black accidentally teleported you to this place, right? That makes more sense according to what she’s told me.”

Shiro still isn’t looking at him. “When Zarkon stabbed me, my body died, but Black said my mind was still connected to hers. It’s how she was able to keep my quintessence within her and we ended up merging somehow.”

“When did that happen? You disappeared after Voltron stabbed  _ Zarkon  _ with its Blazing Sword, remember? We could only form it after you got your Bayard back.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about Keith. I died when we were trying to rescue Allura from Zarkon’s headquarters, remember?” Shiro says gently.

He doesn’t understand a single thing Shiro is saying. None of it makes sense.

But then Shiro’s expression changes and a new understanding fills his eyes.

“Keith… I don’t think I’m the Shiro you’re looking for.”

“What?! What do you mean you’re not–” he cuts himself off because he can’t bear to say it. If this wasn’t his Shiro, where else would Keith find him?

Oh. Alternate realities. Right.

“You’re a different reality’s Shiro,” he says slowly. His expression closes off and he starts to retreat behind his walls again. This was not his Shiro, and he’d revealed enough about himself than he meant to already.

“Yes. But I think I know where you can find your Shiro though,” the Other Shiro says.

“Tell me.”

“I met this other version of myself who appeared suddenly in my universe. All I know is that he disappeared from his own universe and that he had no idea how to get back.”

“And you think it’s my Shiro? My universe’s Shiro?” he corrects.

Shiro says nothing about his slip. “Yeah. I mean, what are the chances that it’s some other Shiro who disappeared too, right?”

Keith quirks a reluctant smile. Thinking of Slav and his ramblings, he says, “Higher than you would think, probably.”

Seeing the other Shiro and getting a genuine chance at finding his Shiro makes him more hopeful than he’s ever been since Shiro disappeared.

He can’t help but flush when he thinks of how enthusiastically he had greeted the Other Shiro. He’d wanted to disappear into a black hole when he thought he’d spilled his deepest secrets about Shiro to Shiro himself.

At least he hadn’t said anything about it to his Shiro yet–and the thought of calling Shiro  _ his _ sends all his nerves firing.

Now that Slav had finished making the amplifier he needed, all he had to do was cross into the astral plane through the Black Lion.

He’s still too jittery though, he was so close. If anything messed this up, he doesn’t know what he’ll do.

Allura takes him to the side. Sensing his nervousness she just waits patiently for him to calm down.

“Keith, I’m sorry I took so long to tell you this but–” Taking a deep breath to steel herself, she continues, “–I just remembered something about the starborn that I thought you should know. There are– were– some that said that the starborn were also star crossed in a way. That no matter if you were destined to find each other, the universe would tear you apart anyway, in ways you could not imagine.”

“What were you expecting to happen, telling me this?” He’s surprised at what Allura has to say but it changes nothing for him. Fuck destiny. There was nothing he wouldn’t do for Shiro.

“I just… want you to be prepared,” she smiles sadly.

Still, he appreciates that she’s looking out for him, so he nods in thanks. They both walk back to the team together.

Pidge was fiddling with something in her hands, with Slav wringing four of his hands and nervously twisting his remaining limbs. Hunk was– instead of lending his insight on their last minute adjustments– looking worriedly from Keith, to the device, and back to Keith. Keith for his part had to muffle a laugh at Lance who was standing to the side with his arms crossed, pouting, probably because he’d been told off for touching things he wasn’t supposed to.

Pidge straightens finally, giving the device one last tap. She looks straight at Keith. “Ok, before you say anything, I’m sorry, but I have to ask: Are you sure you want to do this Keith? Going to the astral plane alone is dangerous enough, but bringing someone back with you is going to be almost impossible.”

Keith glares.

She looks unimpressed. “Don’t give me that look Keith. I’m not questioning how much you love Shiro, but this is going to be hard and it might not even work. And that’s the best case scenario. Worst case is you damage yourself or Shiro, and you both get stuck there. If you don’t fade into non-existence anyway.”

“Wow, those are some pretty heavy consequences,” Lance remarks.

“We’re dealing with forces we don’t know anything about. This isn’t even my field anyway!” she says indignantly.

Hunk pats Pidge’s back reassuringly, sending her stumbling forward.

She adjusts herself, rolling her eyes. “Ok, so this is how it works. You put this thing–” waving the device that looks like a metal bracelet ”–on your right arm, and it’ll activate automatically. It’s supposed to amplify your bond with Shiro–which we still know nothing about, thank you– enough that you can find him and bring him back. Its effects will be dangerous to you, so you better not use it for too long. Got it?” 

“Yeah, got it. Just trust me, I’ll be fine. I need to do this anyway. Shiro depends on it. Besides, we still have to save the universe, right? I’m not going to leave you guys to do it, Lance would probably get distracted hitting on everything that moves without me to keep him in line,” Keith smirks, walking into the Black Lion.

“Did he just– did Keith just make a joke? Dissing me? Keith has a sense of humour?” Keith refrains from saying that that kind of reaction was exactly why he never joked around Lance. Luckily, he was facing away from them so they couldn’t see him laugh.

“Told you, man,” Hunk replies.

That’s the last thing he hears before the door closes and he’s ready to begin.

*****

Fastening the device to his wrist, he slides into the pilot seat before closing his eyes and reaching out for Black.

Black takes him to the astral plane easily, but this time she manifests too, just in case they’ll need her later. He doesn’t know where Black has dropped him off now, but Black assures him that it didn’t matter where they were as long as she stayed as an anchor for him to find her.

He can feel the difference in his bond with Shiro now. Before, it had been like a slow and steady thrum at the back of his mind, undetectable and more like an instinct than anything else. Now though, he can feel it pulsing and beating, almost like a second heartbeat. 

He starts walking like he did last time, letting his instincts take him to Shiro like they always do. This time his footsteps are sure and confident, and his steps leave a trail of stardust after him as he walks.

He could also feel Other Shiro through the bond, but it was more like an echo, a facsimile of the bond he had with his own Shiro. Thankfully, it was enough for Keith to be able to find him, made easier by the fact that the bond was so much more amplified now.

A weird thing about the astral plane, as the Other Shiro had mentioned, was that it was forever changing. No place stayed the same long enough for you to remember what it looked like. There was no pattern to anything and it spread out endlessly. 

When Keith had mentioned that to Coran, he had theorized that as you walked, more of it was being formed simultaneously, which was why it never seemed to end. The Other Shiro’s theory was that the astral plane was what connected all the different universes, and since the multiverse was constantly expanding, so was the astral plane to accommodate it.

The Other Shiro had mentioned that he would be waiting for Keith somewhere in the astral plane. Their plan was for the Other Shiro to bring Keith’s Shiro with him to the astral plane, where Keith would then be able to bring Shiro back to their universe with the power of the amplified bond.

When he spots the other Shiro, Keith is surprised because this time he’s apparently detached himself from his Black Lion because Keith can’t see her anywhere. 

He only offers a shrug when Keith asks him why he left her. “I felt like I just had to leave her for a bit. I can only do that here. On the physical plane, we’re as connected as you can get.”

Keith still looks a little too long at the Other Shiro, who bears it with grace and doesn’t say a word. After he looks away, he feels a hand touch his shoulder. Even if it wasn’t by his Shiro, it feels just as reassuring. “Are you ready?” he hears.

“Yeah,” he replies.

Other Shiro stands close by as they walk. Keith allows it, but in his heart it makes him miss his own Shiro all the more. Even so, it’s a comfort to him to have Shiro so close. And the fact that they’ve fallen naturally in step with each other is funny to Keith in an abstract way. 

_ I guess Shiro and I fit together in any universe. _

When they reach the Black Lion, he’s not prepared for Shiro to stop dead in his tracks so he bumps into Shiro with a pained grunt.

_ “Keith?”  _ Shiro says, the tremor in his voice unmistakable.

“What–” he starts to say before losing his train of thought because in front of him is another version of himself wearing black paladin armour– which he never wanted to consider again– but also  _ Shiro.  _

_ His  _ Shiro.

Keith sees Shiro touch his alternate self on the shoulder, squeezing, and he feels this absurd jealousy and panic, because his alternate self had had Shiro all too himself while Keith had been suffering without him, and what if Shiro preferred that universe? What did Keith have to offer compared to his other self? 

He would respect Shiro’s choice, but how much more would it hurt to have Shiro leave him willingly?

Absently, he notices that the Shiro beside him has taken a few tentative steps forward, holding his arms up cautiously. Keith can understand that, because his alternate self alternates between looking angry enough for murder and an even worse heartbroken look that makes him wonder how much worse this other Keith had it.

Other Shiro had only told him a little bit about how he came to be stuck on the astral plane, and Keith had inferred the rest from their first conversation and careful observation of this Shiro. Still, he can’t fathom how this other Keith must be feeling, learning that his Shiro hadn’t been dead, but had willingly chosen to stay away, even when he’d been so close.

It might be a little presumptuous to assume that this universe’s Keith loved Shiro like he did, but Keith honestly can’t imagine a universe where he didn’t love Shiro.

He can see his alternate self launch himself at Other Shiro, possibly to punch him for being such a coward, and Shiro just seems to accept it, but it turns out to be a desperate kiss instead. The force of it sends them both staggering back, but Shiro recovers quickly enough, and he responds with just as much desperation.

It's not a happy reunion, there's too much pain and anger for that, but Keith can see that it was hurting them both more to be apart. Hopefully they'd be able to fix things between them before they imploded.

Looking at them now though, with his other self crying furiously as the other Shiro strokes his hair soothingly and crying himself as they talk, Keith believes that they'll get there someday. 

When their faces grow soft and their words even softer, Keith looks away. He's intruded enough already. He has his own Shiro to face now.

“Shiro?”

His voice cracks as he says it. He still doesn’t move. What if this was a mistake? He couldn’t bear to be wrong again.

Shiro takes a step forward. 

_ “ _ Keith… _ ” _

And Keith can't stand it anymore so he runs, straight into Shiro's arms. Shiro is just as desperate as he is, hugging him with all his strength but Keith can't see anything through his tears, because he's finally  _ home. _

It was nothing like the last hug they had shared. There was nothing controlled or restrained about this, it was wild and cosmic and inevitable, like two stars finally colliding to form a supernova.

They’re not cadet and officer anymore, not just paladins of Voltron and defenders of the universe, right now they were just Shiro and Keith, and that was just fine.

He tightens his grip on Shiro’s vest. Suddenly he wishes that Shiro would pull him closer, so close that you can’t tell where one of them begins and the other one ends. Maybe if they stayed like this forever, everything would just… stop. Just for a little while.

To his displeasure, Shiro releases him after a while, but his hands never leave Keith, only reaching down to grasp Keith’s hands. And when Shiro leans down so their foreheads are touching, the look on Shiro's face is the softest Keith has ever been given. 

Keith flushes a deep red at the way Shiro is looking at him. The only thing that consoles him is that Shiro is just as red as he is.  _ We match _ , he thinks absurdly.

Now, he’s close enough to notice all the things he couldn’t before, like the strands of white in Shiro’s hair from stress much like his forelock, how much older he looked with the scar on his face, how his eyes were so similar but so different to the eyes he’d come to know years ago, but none of it matters, because it’s Shiro, and Keith would love Shiro to the ends of the universe if Shiro would let him.

Besides, all of that can’t compare to Shiro’s smile. That hasn’t changed, only becoming more valuable after everything that’s happened.

Shiro’s eyes are bright with wonder. “You came for me,” he says, like he can’t believe it, like he doesn’t  _ know _ how much he means to Keith.

Keith lets go of Shiro’s hands to cup his face. He needs Shiro to know how serious he is about this. When Shiro leans into his touch, a deep satisfaction fills his bones.

“I’ll always come for you. Over and over and over again if I have to.”

There’s a wealth of emotion in Shiro’s eyes before a mask falls over them, hiding all but his burning curiosity.

“But why? Why would you do this? Why me?” Shiro sounds like he’s desperate for the answer.

“Because I love you.”  _ And the thought of living without you is more than I can bear. _

Shiro’s shock and speechlessness don’t say anything good, but he stays resolute. Even if the Black Lion was wrong about Shiro’s feelings for him, he couldn’t run away from his problems forever and Shiro deserved to know. But his faith in the Black Lion and the memory of the other Shiro and Keith’s reunion makes him willing to believe, just once, that things would be ok.

“I love you too.”

Shiro’s words interrupt his train of thought. When Keith realizes what Shiro actually said, his mind abruptly goes blank at the revelation.

_ Shiro loves me? Shiro loves me. SHIRO LOVES ME! _

Shiro moves his right hand to cover Keith’s, and even though the Galra arm is as cold to touch as it always is, on the inside, Keith is burning like the Sun. But in any case, Shiro is Keith’s sun, and like any planer, Keith is helpless to resist in the face of his gravity.

Shiro lowers both their hands from his face and intertwines their fingers, his metal hand fitting perfectly with Keith’s human one. “I missed you,” he says fiercely, but his touch remains gentle. “I missed you so much.”

“I missed you too,” Keith replies, heart caught in his throat. “It wasn’t the same without you.  _ I  _ wasn’t the same without you.”

_ I need you. Please don’t leave me. You make everything worth it. _

“I didn’t know if I would ever see you again but all I wanted was to go home to you.”

Keith chokes on a sob, trying not to cry. “You’re my home too, I can go anywhere as long as I’m with you.”

“Wherever we go now, we go together,” Shiro says in agreement.

Keith nods and peace settles into his soul at finally having Shiro back. 

“Hey guys?”

They both look up when they realize that they were the ones being spoken to. It’s the alternate Keith who’s called out to them. There aren’t many differences to their doppelgangers, except that he and Shiro were both in their casual outfits while their alternate selves wore their paladin armour. He and the other Shiro have clearly made up somewhat because they’re standing closely together and holding hands.

“I just wanted to say thank you for bringing us back together. For everything, really. Especially you, Takashi. Without you, who knows how long this idiot would have hidden from me. You were a better friend than I deserved. So thank you. If we ever find each other again and you need help, just say the word and I’ll be there.”

“So sure that it’ll work? You’ve never expressed much faith that I would be able to go back,” Shiro says dryly.

“If my alternate self is even half as determined as I am–and he looks competent enough– he’ll find a way to make it work,” he replies calmly.

“I guess this is goodbye,” Shiro says wistfully. ”Tell the rest of the team that I appreciated everything they did for me, but that it’s time for me to go home.”

“I will. Be safe, Takashi. I’ll miss you.”

They all nod to each other in farewell because there was nothing left to say.

Shiro turns to Keith, looking sad to be leaving his new friends but mostly happy to finally be heading home. “Let’s go home, Keith.” 

Keith tells Black what’s happened over their bond and she returns to the physical plane to serve as their anchor with a triumphant roar. With that done, he focuses his bond with Shiro to its fullest capacity, hearing its sound rise from a low hum to a loud roar, and he opens his mind to Black completely.

“Are you ready?” Keith asks, struggling to keep hold of both connections for long.

“I trust you,” Shiro replies, holding on to Keith as they both disappear into the void.

*****

When they both appear in Black’s cockpit alive and unharmed, they’re both too relieved to register what kind of position they’re in. 

When they do realize it, they both blush. Keith is still sitting like he originally was in the pilot seat before he ventured into the astral plane, only this time Shiro is sitting sideways on his lap, cradled in his arms.

How had they ended up in this position? Hearing a satisfied purr at the back of his head, Keith deduces that Black is to blame for their predicament.

There’s an awkward silence between them, until they meet each other’s eyes and everything else just fades away. 

Keith doesn’t know who reaches for whom first, but it doesn’t matter, because at the first brush of Shiro’s mouth against his, he forgets about everything except Shiro.

Shiro’s lips are soft and pliant, and he doesn’t fight when Keith pulls him closer, only winding his arms around Keith’s neck. As Keith removes his hand from beneath Shiro’s legs, he adjusts their position so that Shiro is sitting upright and straddling him instead, breaking the kiss for a bit. 

He cups Shiro’s face hesitantly, asking for permission to kiss him again. Shiro nods with a patient smile, but there’s a fire in his eyes that begs to consume Keith– and oh how he wants to be consumed _ – _ but that’s a little too fast, even for Keith, so he kisses Shiro again because at this point, he feels like he could kiss Shiro forever and die happy.

Their second kiss is just as perfect as their first. Keith pulls Shiro down as he deepens the kiss, enjoying how Shiro moaned when he started exploring Shiro’s mouth with his tongue. Shiro was no passive receiver either, he kept his hands busy, one of them running through Keith’s hair and the other trailing down Keith’s neck and shoulders.

Keith keeps his hands on Shiro’s chin and back, wanting to keep him close. He can hardly feel Shiro’s weight on him, only how hot he is with Shiro’s body pressed to his and how aware he is of Shiro’s every movement.

They continue kissing, getting better at it, but they slow down the pace after a while. By unspoken agreement, they keep things relatively safe. They’d only just gotten back to each other. There were too many things they needed to discuss, but for now it is enough to trade lazy kisses in the Black Lion knowing that they loved each other.

After they’ve finally stopped kissing, Shiro gets to his feet quickly while Keith groans from the ache in his legs. Shiro tries to adjust himself accordingly to make it look like he hasn’t spent half an hour being kissed senseless but Keith thinks there’s no getting rid of the flushed, happy look on his face.

When Shiro remembers the other members of the team who were probably waiting for them both, he has a guilty look on his face briefly, like he’s berating himself for indulging in some pleasure for once.

“I guess it’s time to face them now.”

“You can take as long as you need, Shiro. If you’re not ready to see them, we’ll just stay here until you can.”

“No, it’s time.” 

He can see Shiro reasserting his iron control over himself and part of him wishes that it could wait, that they could block out the world for the next few days, but his sense of duty kicks in and he realizes that Shiro is right. They had a job to do, no matter how much he wanted to curl around Shiro and just revel in their feelings for each other.

“Are you coming?” No matter how controlled Shiro is now, his eyes are still as soft as they always are when he looks at Keith, and there’s no hiding how much happier he is than usual.  _ His lips are still kiss-bruised _ , a wicked part of Keith notes.

_ Should I tell Shiro _ , he thinks as he shakes his head at the question.  _ It wasn’t like the others would notice. _

“Just go on ahead. I have some things I need to say to the Black Lion first.”

“Ok. I’ll be waiting for you.” Shiro stops by the door and closes his eyes before he makes a decision. “I love you,” he says, leaving before Keith can gather the wits to reply.

“Love you too,” Keith says to the empty room anyway.

Shaking his head wryly, he turns back to Black, feeling her close to his own mind for the first time since she’d teased him about Shiro when they returned.

He pets her control panel fondly. “We did it. We got him back… Thank you. I couldn’t have done this without you.”

_ It would not have been possible without you either. You brought my paladin back when I couldn’t, saving him from a situation I put him in. Thank you. _

“You’re welcome. You didn’t have to tease me like that though,” Keith chides, feeling ridiculous for scolding a 10000 year old war machine that apparently moonlighted as a matchmaker in her spare time.

_ Would you have done anything if I hadn’t? I didn’t think so. You did enjoy my plan this time, I’m sure you’ll enjoy the others. _

“Others? How long have you been planning this?” he asks in horrified curiosity. “Never mind, I’m not sure I want to know. And you don’t have to plan anything like that ever again, I can handle it myself next time.” 

_ If you say so. _

“Thank you,” he says firmly. “Now, I have to go. I can’t let them hog Shiro all to themselves now, can I?” 

Keith politely ignores the snort she gives at his statement and walks out feeling proud that he’d achieved his goal.

He arrives at the bridge to the sight of Shiro being smothered in a group hug, with Coran standing to one side, looking quite amused.

When Shiro sees him, his eyes seem to beg for Keith’s help, because he has no idea how to free himself from their (loving) death grip.

“Uh, guys? You might want to let Shiro go. It would kinda defeat the purpose of saving him if he suffocated now, wouldn’t it?”

“Oh right,” Hunk says sheepishly, letting go of Shiro. “Sorry Shiro.”

The others follow suit, and Shiro falls to the floor, trying to catch his breath after he’d been squeezed so enthusiastically.

“It’s alright. I’m glad you guys are so happy to see me,” Shiro wheezes.

“Woah, Keith, what happened to you? You look like you got mauled,” Lance remarks, sounding worried.

And that’s when Keith realizes that he forgot to make himself presentable after the thorough kissing session he’d had with Shiro.

The other paladins hadn’t really commented on Shiro’s lips, but with Keith looking like he did and Shiro’s sudden guilty stillness, they could clearly put two and two together. 

It doesn’t take them long to figure it out, but what surprises Keith is that Lance is the one who figures it out first.

“Holy shit, is that what took you two so long? You guys were too busy getting it on to remember about us? Shame on you. Thought you were supposed to be the example, Boss. Or is it Boss One and Boss Two–”

Hunk cuts in before Lance can continue. “Yeah, have you guys decided on who’s doing what yet now that Shiro’s back, because it’s going to get pretty confusing around here soon if you don’t–”

Pidge interrupts, pointing to the device still attached to Keith’s wrist. “Speaking of Shiro coming back, how did my device work? Were there any glitches or any problems when you were using it, or–”

With everyone speaking all at once, Keith can’t even begin to decipher what they’re all saying. A quick look at Shiro says that he’s suffering from the same problem, except that he’d forgotten how exuberant their team could be.

“Ok guys, that’s enough,” Keith stops them when it looks like they’re starting to overwhelm Shiro. “We can discuss this all later, once Shiro has gotten some time to get used to being back again, alright?”

They all nod, looking guilty after they see Shiro’s face. Coran shepherds them out gently, winking at Keith as they leave.

Allura offers a quiet, “It really is good to see you again, Shiro,” before she leaves the room too.

Shiro looks both amused and proud at Keith’s taking charge of the team on his behalf before he turns away and looks into the distance.

Keith stays by his side in silence, allowing Shiro time to process everything that’s happened. When it seems like dark thoughts are on his mind, he touches Shiro’s shoulder to ground him, like an echo of what he did after the first time he’d gotten Shiro back.

“It’s good to have you back.”

“It’s good to be back,” Shiro replies, turning back to look at him and smiling before pulling him into a kiss.

Even if there’s still a war going on and many battles left to fight, it’s hard for Keith to not feel hopeful. With Shiro back, and the rest of his team supporting him, now he has something new to fight for. 

_ Love. _

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave a comment if you enjoyed it. Since this is only part 1 from Keith's POV, you can also tell me what you'd like to see from Shiro's POV in the companion fic, which is about what he's been up to while everyone has been searching for him. I'll take your suggestions into consideration as I write it :D
> 
> Come talk to me about sheith at [lucifercaelestis](https://lucifercaelestis.tumblr.com) on tumblr or at [LuciferCael](https://twitter.com/LuciferCael) on twitter.


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